You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
