so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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