I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
