Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
