You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
