I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
