I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
