you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
