Sorry, I don't speak sober.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
