If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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