end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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