would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
