spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
