Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
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I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
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When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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