i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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