this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
