Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
