I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i think i just lost a toe
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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