writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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