Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
