I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
