So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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