I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Are we still banned from the library?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
