if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
