tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i out mim tonsoeep
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