She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
