Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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