if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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