I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
