Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
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I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
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My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.