there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night