Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone