I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
