Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
