I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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