They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I want her autograph on my taint
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
