I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
