help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
