What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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