so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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