i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
