Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
