she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
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