The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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