hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
