I hate your face
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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