I want to make a zoo with you.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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