Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
