I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize