if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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