super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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