i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
