We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
