sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
