I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
