Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
