it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
