hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
