dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
