True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
