fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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