When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
