I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
