are you still at the devil's house?
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
