I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
