eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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