make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
