I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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