last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
