i love accidental penises.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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