Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
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I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
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He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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