he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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