running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
