Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
