So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
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It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
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Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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