there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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