He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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