party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just gift wrapped bread.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
