My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
