I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
