Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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