i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
did i walk over a car last night?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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