So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
