If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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