So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
