Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
