RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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