It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
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Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
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Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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