Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
